The Chronicles of Blake – Volume XCII

Well, Hello My Newsletterinarians!!!

Greetings Once Again from Middle Earth!

This is something I did once before, and received rave reviews. But I left you hanging. Giving in to popular demand, I have bring to you the second installment in the “Lord of the Tie” series!!!

Just a word of caution for enjoyment purposes: You may want to read the first installment, “The Fellowship of the Tie.” [click on link to see the page or paste http://bjunewsletter.com/index.php?itemid=67 in the browser]

If you have ever read the Lord of the Rings or seen the movies, you may enjoy it more than those who haven’t. I am doing this Newsletter in the style and following the general story and situations of The Lord of the Rings. This is different than LOTR in one major way; it IS to be read as an allegory of my week. It may not be a perfect allegory, but every situation has SOME sort of truth to it! So here we go:


“The Two Towers”
Another semi-original “special” work by Blake Meyer


Here’s where we were: “Suddenly they all stopped and looked up. It was Schnaitalf! He looked down at them all and shouted, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!” And with that he slammed down a stack of Greek tests #3 as the Bridge crumbled to bits.
Blakdo started to fall, but caught on to the ledge and hung there suspended for a few moments. Eventually the Fellowship decided it best to help him out and offered words of encouragement as he struggled and just hung there… for a very long time. Eventually he scrambled to his feet on the other side, but barely after the long struggle. It took a lot of strength from Blakdo. But he looked ahead and saw the light through an opening… A short rest was in sight.”

Schnaitalf looked exhausted after the struggle and smiled as he saw that Blakdo had made it through the awful terror of the Greek tests and Alumzhad DuRume 312. Suddenly, from below, a giant whip of fire came up, wrapped around Schnaitalf’s ankle, and pulled him to the darkness of the pit below. The Fellowship was in shock and overwhelmingly sorrowful with the loss of this great leader within the Fellowship. Blakdo was sure he would never see him again. Blakdo and the Fellowship ran up ahead, dodging the arrows of the Gradelins. Blakdo only suffered minor wounds from the whole event of the Greek powers and Gradelins, but it was his heart that was hurting... and his neck, from the increasingly burdensome tie.

They continued on… several days… walking… walking… walking… Richagorn was walking the Fellowship (minus Schnaitalf) through the woods, giving them all good advice and stuff. It was usually him and MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock that did all the talking. It eventually became evident that Richagorn hadn’t been shaving as much as was required, and he shouted out, “I DIDN’T SHAVE TODAY!!!” Suddenly Smittylan the elf jumped out of the woods and his minions had them surrounded. “You wouldn’t REALLY take us as prisoners, would you?” Asked Richagorn. “Try me.” Replied Smittylan. With that, everyone was led away through the forest.

Eventually, the trees became a more welcoming sight. They were looming large and darkly structured, many different bold colors of red and green and blue brightly shining through the leaves in the canopy above and beyond. “This would make a great painting series,” Blakdo thought as he was immersed. He passed some beautiful 5-leaved star-shaped yellow flowers and thought they were pretty. He stooped down and picked one and gave it to Erikdriel. “Oh, thank you, Blakdo! These are my favorite!” He blushed and kept on walking, secretly hoping that he could date Erikdriel, maybe see if she could see “Much Ado About Hobblits” with him. But it was well-known that lady elves are too good for Hobblits. (but she somehow found this one very charming and funny)

Blakdo would often look over an see Erikdriel and get pretty distracted talking to her. One day he had his eyes fixed one her, and as he was walking backwards as she turned and walked away. He kept talking and walked RIGHT INTO A MUD HOLE! It covered his entire right shoe and half of his left shoe, and splashed up all over his pants, and even into his shoe. All because he was distracted by Erikdriel.

Along the way they had scrounged up some food for eating from the forest floor. (a large noisy forest that seats many thousand and has scary wallpaper flowers) But they eventually came to a place where many people were gathered eating small portions of delectable food. Smittylan was kind enough to let them indulge. Blakdo and the Fellowship ate their fill… then he trashed the food they had found along the way, because he was filled and satisfied by the gracious vendors.

Eventually they came upon the most beautiful land Blakdo had ever seen! The tint was bluish-grey on everything, and there shone a dim light through the trees. They were led up the stairs to a high palace of immense beauty. Before them sat an empty throne. As the Fellowship stood there looking at it, Erikdriel walked forward and sat in it. “This is my home, my realm,” she said. “Welcome to Graveslorien! May it be your journeying home as well.” Then she started talking and everybody was hearing voices in their heads and it was really freaky.

They enjoyed their time in Graveslorien. Smittylan turned out to be an OK guy, just doing his job as a Graveslorien guard. One day Blakdo was out on the slopes of the enchanted forest picking more of the yellow elanor flowers and chatting with elves who knew Erikdriel, when another elf came up to him. “Hi Blakdo,” she said. He was kind of confused. “I’m Vanessallaparrot. I have been keeping up with your journey for quite some time now by reading your bi-weekly journal documents!” He was honored to meet someone so enduring as to read so many of these random documentations that he was sure no one read. But then Sarahleran, another elf, came up and asked about his journal entry from last week. She quoted from the section where he was talking about the problem of simultaneously carrying Grab-n-Go and laundry, “Now I just eat it before I take it over. Problem solved.” She asked the question, “So did you eat your laundry or your grab-n-go lunch?” Blakdo graciously answered that cotton wasn’t his flavor, but the Dr. Pepper and pizza was.

One evening when they were in Graveslorien, Erikdriel approached Blakdo and walked with him down to a secluded spot (which never actually happens in Bobjonesle earth) where there was a well of water. She told him to look inside the well. In the water he saw himself many years from now handing someone fried potatoes through a window. “This is what will happen if you fail at your task,” she said. This really scared him. He replied, “But this tie is such a burden. I just want to get rid of it.” Erikdriel thought for a moment and said, “Let me help you with your burden.” This made Blakdo uncomfortable, so he replied, “You know that if Davidomeer was here, he would have said that it would not be allowed. He was a noble keeper of the Law of Bobjonesle Earth.” She looked relieved. “You are right. With the tie, I could have been the most powerful ruler on earth, but since it is not allowed for you to give up the tie, I have no more desire for that power. I have passed the test.”

Once the Fellowship’s strength was restored and they were done mourning the loss of Schnaitalf’s presence, they knew it was time to leave Graveslorien. Of course, Blakdo had to make sure that his living quarters in Graveslorien were spotlessly clean before he left, and spent only 2.5 hours cleaning up (while the others spent all day cleaning theirs) (it helps that he was already extremely organized) and took a nap right before Smittylan inspected it and passed him, giving permission to leave! Then Erikdriel and elves gave them all useful parting gifts (including a bit of spending money for Blakdo! He was very grateful, even though he had no idea who it was from) and sent them on their way down the river. It was a very sad time for all, and the Fellowship hated to leave beautiful Graveslorien and the elves. But as the boats began drifting away, Erikdriel knew she couldn’t let them continue without her, so she jumped in her own boat and followed. Blakdo was VERY happy for her decision to continue on with him through the often-difficult Bobjonesle Earth.



A few days later they went ashore to avoid a waterfall. Blakdo was very worn out by this time and a bit seasick. So he went off by himself. At least he THOUGHT he was by himself. Pretty soon he heard a stick snap behind him, and there was Davidomeer standing behind him! “What are you doing?” Blakdo asked. “I like your tie. I want to wear it,” replied Davidomeer. Blakdo answered, “No, it is my burden to carry. You have your own ties. Wearing two would just be strange and unnecessarily warm.” There was a bit of a scuffle, but suddenly Blakdo disappeared as the paisley tie camouflaged him against the forest floor. Davidomeer then realized what he had done and wept in anguish, “I am sorry my little Winslowshire friend! I’m sorry for any past demerits I have given you!” Suddenly they both heard a thumping, thundering noise approaching. “Orcs!” Blakdo cried. “No, those are no ordinary orcs,” said Davidomeer. “Those are the d’Orcs of Boltonuman. Run for your life!” The d’Orcs came over the hilltop and Davidomeer held them off for a little while, but was wounded in the battle. But then MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock and Timppin came and tried to fight too. But the d’Orcs carried both of them off and disappeared off into the distance. The rest of the Fellowship heard Davidomeer’s last words, “I am leaving the Fellowship to be a GA. Don’t mourn me, please. Hasta la vista… Muero honorablemente.” (being roughly written and interpreted from Davidomeer’s ancient tongue, “See ya later… I die honorably.” The Fellowship (minus Schnaitalf, MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock, Timppin, AND Davidomeer), once again, ran on with heavy hearts after the d’Orcs. “Truly he was a brave man,” remarked Nikkolas the elf.

It was obvious that they needed to get running after the super d’Orcs, marked by the white hand of Boltonuman. This proved to be a difficult feat. The Fellowship was varied in its athletic abilities. Jaeggli the dwarf was really built for running. Richagorn was used to sports, and was alright. No one would let Nikkolas run because of her health issues. However, Blakdo and Erikdriel were quite the avid runners! They would run and run and run to stay fit and find their missing friends. Erikdriel began to run farther than she had ever run before at one time, and Blakdo also did so. He ran 6.5 miles at once the first day, 7.5 miles the next, and 9.5 miles the next day, running farther than he ever had on Bobjonesle earth! He would go ahead and spy for the remaining Fellowship (but his secret intention was to build up strength to dunk a basketball). Erikdriel was very impressed.

Finally one evening as he was crossing the open fields of Bobjonesle Earth ahead of the others, Blakdo knew that he was gaining on the d’Orcs. He rounded a corner behind the rocks and noticed a fire flickering in the distance near a line of thick woods with many hideous creatures around it. Then he had a great idea! “I’ll disguise myself as a d’Orc and rescue MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock and Timppin!” he thought. So he reached into his pocket and pulled out a gift from the elves: a large pair of black, plastic-framed glasses with masking tape around the bridge in the middle. “I’ll look just like a d’Orc!” he thought to himself as he walked up into the group with the disguise.

At first he walked in on a lecture on how to attack. And they looked at him and laughed, not knowing that they all looked the same. Later, Erikdriel joined him inside the group as all the d’Orcs were gathered around eating the evening meal. However, they either did not see her, or they were just intimidated. The whole time he was among them, Blakdo searched for MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock and Timppin, but could not find them. “I guess everyone who comes in contact with d’Orcs becomes a GA.” he told Erikdriel. Then he heard something from among the group, “I want your herbed meatloaf!” “No! You can’t have it!” “Oh yeah?” Then, a great fight ensued. He watched the brawl in horror, and something small caught his eye. He saw MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock and Timppin run from the group and run into the woods! He tried to run over and stop them, but his knees hurt from all the running. Eventually, Richagorn, Nikkolas, and Jaeggli caught up to them, observed the massive d’Orc fight, and ran off into the woods after the GA hobblits.

It was dark in those woods, and the Fellowship had a hard time finding their way. A few hours later, they were walking along and were struck to the ground by a bright white light. “Boltonuman,” they cried! But when the light was dimmed down a few notches, they sorta recognized a familiar face. Richagorn shouted, “Schnaitalf!!!” The wizard looked at them, “Schnaitalf… That’s what they USED to call me. I am now come back from the lands beyond under a different person. You may now refer to me as Reimersdalf the White.” Jaeggli said, “It is about time. We need you!” And they all took off to where Reimersdalf led them… to the land of Dothan. They were escorted to the capital city by the Riders of Dothan themselves. (Actually, the trek to Dothan was a few weeks away into the future. But for sake of storytelling, it… just happened here.) Blakdo was very excited to see this place that he heard much about from Erikdriel.

The tie was becoming more and more burdensome as Blakdo went along, and he became more and more weary. He asked Reimersdalf, “Doesn’t anyone get proper sleep or rest here in Bobjonesle Earth?” “No,” replied Reimersdalf. “It is impossible while on this journey.” Never before had Blakdo longed for Winslowshire and the sleep he enjoyed there. When he DID sleep, he had a dream of finding a ring in a river a long time ago. He thought it was really pretty, so he kept it. He thought maybe he could use it in the future or something.



Anyhow, they quickly arrived and met the king of the land, Dr. Zakhem. “Wow. You are all very BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!” he said... about 100 times in one paragraph. The Fellowship (minus Davidomeer, Timppin, and MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock) knew he must have been lying, because they looked really bad. But they were grateful anyhow.

That night the Fellowship had a dinner of the Council of Red, where they had a good time looking over the past summer and looking ahead to the strategies ahead for getting the tie destroyed and ridding Bobjonesle Earth of all its evils. A large epic battle was inevitably on the horizon, and Zakhem took measures to get his whole city to flee to a mountain refuge: Deep’s Helm. During the whole council they were serenaded by a large choir singing songs about a Forrest or something. The music sounded sorta creepy, but really good!

The Fellowship (minus Davidomeer, Timppin, and MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock) ran along for many more miles and miles and days and days… The whole time following the obvious trail left behind by the d’Orcs… Eventually, they came upon the great fortress Rodeheavengard. Blakdo sat there looking over at the high structure, the highest manmade structure in all of Bobjonesle Earth. He thought, “Wow, this would be a fun place to work!” But Reimerdalf noticed his intentions. “Do not cross into there,” he warned. “I used to be a great wizard near those walls, making all sorts of beautiful works right alongside of its wise graduate wizard assistant, Boltonuman. We existed in harmony, until one day when he moved up on me and turned to the dark tower. Since then, the works being produced from there have been dark and evil. Works such as “Rigolettomin” and “Henrydon IV.” I have since turned to the likes of you, Blakdo, who work on restoring fainting couches and mirrors and large banners and such for the good work, “Much Ado About Hobblits.” Boltonuman has separated ways from us. Beware of his cunning words.”

So the Fellowship (minus Davidomeer, Timppin, and MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock) camped on the hill overlooking Rodeheavengard. In the middle of the night Blakdo woke up and felt the pull over towards the great tower. He walked through the darkness for a little while with Nikkolas to find a magical document to allow them passage by ship to the Grey Havens beyond, but they could not find what they were looking for. Eventually, Nikkolas went back to the group as Blakdo wandered farther away to a smaller building hidden in the darkness where there were many others walking around, fixing things up, many who Blakdo knew very well… including Reimerdalf (who seemed to be heading up this strange effort), Tracybok, Tinadell, Sarahden (who introduced herself as the sister of one of Blakdo’s Hobblit-mentees from the summer before), and… Erikdriel… in pants! Was this a dream, or a vision of happiness to lure him away from the group? It certainly was getting his focus off of himself and more towards helping others. Suddenly, the tie was not quite as restricting. Yes, he realized he was outside the borders of Bobjonesle Earth, which also explained why Erikdriel was wearing pants instead of the typical elven-skirt.

He stood there by the Cornerstone of the building looking for someone to explain what was going on. This was all too good to be true. He walked over to a man who led him to a place where they could fix a certain illuminating fire ring… The man looked nice enough. As they were working, Blakdo asked, “So can you explain all this to me? I have many questions…” The man kept working, digging in the dirt. For some reason the tie seemed to pull to this man. Once in awhile, the man would glance over and eye the tie. This made Blakdo very uncomfortable. Suddenly, the man stood up. “I am Boltonuman the great white wizard!” and made a lunge for the tie. Blakdo dodged to the side, as Boltonuman stopped and looked behind him in terror. “Ents!” he cried. Blakdo responded, “No. Those are no mere Ents. Those are FIRE ENTS!” They were usually dormant creatures, but their natural home had been destroyed by the white wizard. Now they were enraged! Boltonuman ran scratching away in utter terror, itching and scratching as an epic battle ensued, defeating Boltonuman and his minions and forever surrounded Boltonuman in his dark Rodeheavengard tower. And the fire ring was left unfinished. Too bad. So Blakdo went back to the Fellowship (minus Davidomeer, Timppin, and MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock) and slept.

But the next day, as they examined the ruin surrounding Rodeheavengard, they found something very valuable: Timppin, and MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock! They grabbed those two troublemaker GA’s and swiftly ran them over to where a battle had already started. The Fellowship (minus Davidomeer) was finally back together again.

When they reached the fortress of Deep’s Helm, it was far into the night and pouring down rain. They saw below them, in the crevice of the mountain, thousands upon thousands of d’Orcs and Orcs and Sporcs, rushing in upon the men and their lines. Blakdo ran down to help them along with Richagorn, Jaeggli, Timppin, MerEDDYdock Alexanderbock, Nikkolas and Erikdriel, but Reimersdalf rode off in the opposite direction. “Chicken,” Blakdo thought. He donned his helmet and joined in the ranks to help them. It was a long drawn out battle between the evil and good of Bobjonesle Earth, and many were slain on both sides. But morning came in the midst of the battle as they were loosing, and they looked up to the sun rising above the valley walls. “Argh. It’s Monday. I hate Mondays,” said Blakdo. But then they saw Reimersdalf appear over that horizon and do some sweet tricks on his horse when all of the Riders of Dothan joined behind him, and they all ran down the slope and finished off the d’Orcs that were there. “Hmmm… Maybe this Monday will be different.”



Then Blakdo took a much desired nap before treading on. He knew that even greater dangers awaited him as he approached Barge-dor and the all-seeing eye at Adminad-dur.

[To Be Continued…]

So how was that? Long, I know, but a lot of fun and informative (at least to me :). It stuck more to the story than my original, at least. Kinda. :) Once again, I must give some sort of credit to the great writings of J.R.R. Tolkien, for his masterful works.

Here are the Pics explanations:
1) This is Blakdo and the Fellowship leaving Graveslorien, with inset pictures of Blakdo and Erikdriel.
2) This is the dream/flashback Blakdo had about finding a ring in the river. Nothing of real consequence.
3) This is Blakdo confused while on the battle lines at Deep’s Helm.

Well, I hope that your journey was enjoyable! See ya later!

-B.J.R. Tolkmeyer